During a time when the very fabric of our republic is unraveling beneath our feet, I am appalled at the level of attention our news media have chosen to devote to ‘celebrity‘ in recent days.  Nevertheless, I must admit news of Steve McNair’s death hit home with me for a number of reasons.  First, I had the privilege of meeting Steve when he was the quarterback of the Houston Oilers (who later became the Tennessee Titans).  I taught a team Bible study from time to time, and led pre-game chapel services on occasion.  I did not know Steve well, but I knew he was well-respected by his teammates, and carried himself well.  He seemed like a thoughtful, humble, down-to-earth guy. 

This news also hit home because I too am the father of four sons.  In a country with a birthrate below 2.0, it is unusual to meet people with four or five children.  What are the chances that two high-profile adultery stories within a period of weeks would both involve men with four children, let alone four sons?  I found the news quite ironic from that perspective.

A third reason this story caught my attention was the age of McNair’s mistress.  Steve McNair was around my age (he was 36; I’m 40).  Sahel Kazemi, Steve’s mistress with whom he was found dead, was just a few months older than my daughter (she was 20; Jasmine is 19).  She was a waitress at Dave & Buster’s (a place Steve and his family frequented).  I’m a big Dave & Buster’s fan.  I have a friend who works at their headquarters in Dallas, so we have known about and enjoyed their restaurants for years (I’ve always been a sucker for arcade games).

This story also grabbed my attention when I saw Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher’s press conference.  Coach Fisher urged people to remember Steve’s positive contributions on and off the field.  However, he knows better.  He’s a coach in the NFL.  He has told his players the same thing every coach tells high-profile athletes, “Men, when you’re in the spotlight you can do a hundred good things, but nobody will remember them if you get caught in a compromising situation.”  What ballplayer hasn’t heard similar warnings?  Fisher knows what we all know; it doesn’t matter what kind of competitor Steve McNair was on the field, or what kind of contribution he made to the community off the field.  People will always mention his name with raised eyebrows.  His will forever be a cautionary tale.  Even coach Fisher will use Steve McNair as an example for the rest of his players; a reminder of how tenuous fame can be, and how costly a single indiscretion can be.

Finally, this story caught my attention because the Mark Sanford fiasco had already focused my attention on the causes and consequences of adultery.  I believe both cases should cause men everywhere to stand up and take notice.  God’s word has a great deal to say on the subject of adultery, and much of it is contained in three successive chapters in Proverbs.

REJOICE IN THE GIFT THAT IS YOUR WIFE

Proverbs 5:15

   Drink water from your own cistern,   flowing water from your own well.

16  Should your springs be scattered abroad,

  streams of water in the streets?

17  Let them be for yourself alone,

  and not for strangers with you.

18  Let your fountain be blessed,

  and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

19  a lovely deer, a graceful doe.

  Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;   be intoxicated* always in her love.

20  Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman

  and embrace the bosom of wan adulteress?*

21  For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD,

  and he ponders* all his paths.

22  The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,

  and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.

23  He dies for lack of discipline,

  and because of his great folly he is led astray.

While details are sketchy about the McNair affair, his appears to be a rather typical story.  Here’s a recently-retired professional ballplayer who catches the eye of a beautiful young (extremely young) woman and showers her with expensive gifts, trips, and attention.  A quick perusal of Sanford’s email to his mistress reveals his foolishness in this regard as he drones on about his unmet needs and how extraordinary and unusual she is.  In both instances, we see men who are not rejoicing in the wife of their youth.

FOLLOW THE WORD... NOT YOUR HEART

Proverbs 6:23

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,

and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,

24 to preserve you from the evil woman,

from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart,

and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;

26 for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,

but a married woman hunts down a precious life.

27 Can a man carry fire next to his chest

and his clothes not be burned?

28 Or can one walk on hot coals

and his feet not be scorched?

29 So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;

none who touches her will go unpunished.

30 People do not despise a thief if he steals

to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,

31 but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;

he will give all the goods of his house.

32 He who commits adultery lacks sense;

he who does it destroys himself.

33 He will get wounds and dishonor,

and his disgrace will not be wiped away.

34 For jealousy makes a man furious,

and he will not spare when he takes revenge.

35 He will accept no compensation;

he will refuse though you multiply gifts.

Both Sanford and McNair professed faith in Christ.  As I have written in my previous post on this subject, this should not be viewed as an excuse to throw stones, but a cause for alarm.  We must all be on guard.  We cannot assume that our redemption makes us immune to the wiles of an adulteress, or more specifically, to our own desires.  We must hear and heed the Word of God.  Sanford’s email correspondence shows that he even used the Word in an attempt to govern his actions.  Unfortunately, his sin blinded him to the fact that he was applying the text to the wrong woman:

Where we are is not [safe]. I have thought about it and in some ways feel I let you down in letting these complications come into a friendship that I hope will last till death. In all my life I have lived by a code of honor and at a variety of levels know I have crossed lines I would have never imagined. I wish I could wish it away, but this soul-mate feel I alluded too is real and in that regard I sure don’t want to be the person complicating your life. I looked to where I often look for advice and counsel, and in I Corinthians 13 it simply says that, “Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude, Love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the right, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things”. In this regard it is action that goes well beyond the emotion of today or tomorrow and in this light I want to look for ways to show love in helping you to live a better — not more complicated life.

Amazing!  Quoting 1 Corinthians 13 in an email to a mistress.  One cannot help but wonder where his commitment to this kind of love was in relation to his wife and four sons.  Again, let this be a warning to us all.  “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” (James 1:22 ESV)

THE PRICE FOR ADULTERY IS ALWAYS HIGHER THAN YOU THINK

Proverbs 7:6

  For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice,

7 and I have seen among the simple,

I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense,

8 passing along the street near her corner,

taking the road to her house

9 in the twilight, in the evening,

at the time of night and darkness.

Proverbs 7:10

  And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.

11 She is loud and wayward;

her feet do not stay at home;

12 now in the street, now in the market,

and at every corner she lies in wait.

13 She seizes him and kisses him,

and with bold face she says to him,

14 “I had to offer sacrifices,

and today I have paid my vows;

15 so now I have come out to meet you,

to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.

16 I have spread my couch with coverings,

colored linens from Egyptian linen;

17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,

aloes, and cinnamon.

18 Come, let us take our fill of love till morning;

let us delight ourselves with love.

19 For my husband is not at home;

he has gone on a long journey;

20 he took a bag of money with him;

at full moon he will come home.”

Proverbs 7:21

  With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him.

22 All at once he follows her,

as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast

23 till an arrow pierces its liver;

as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.

Proverbs 7:24

  And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth.

25 Let not your heart turn aside to her ways;

do not stray into her paths,

26 for many a victim has she laid low,

and all her slain are a mighty throng.

27 Her house is the way to Sheol,

going down to the chambers of death.

Unfortunately, while the principles are true for Sanford, for McNair this is all too literal.  To paraphrase Solomon: all at once he followed her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till four bullets pierced his body; as a bird rushes into a snare; he did not know that it would cost him his life.  What’s worse, McNair’s oldest son is just a few years younger than this woman and is about to enter his senior year in high school as a stand-out football player.  I cannot imagine how the events of the past few days have scarred his life.  May the Lord have mercy on he and his younger brothers as they march toward manhood.  May the Lord also grant grace to Mrs. McNair to pick up the pieces. 

VB