In addition to seeing the truth behind the symbols, wedding attendees should be convicted by the vows.  Every time I go to a wedding, I am reminded of the covenant I made with my bride.  She and I said some very significant things to each other nearly twenty years ago, and those words must not be taken lightly.

Convicted by the Vows

While there are couples who write their own vows, most people stick with tradition (with some exceptions).  What I find ironic is the fact that most Christians today claim to believe that the Bible permits divorce and remarriage at least in cases of adultery (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9) and abandonment of a believer by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).  While I understand the complex hermeneutical issues surrounding these questions, and respect those who hold to the two-clause view, it is not the position I hold.  I do not believe the Bible allows for divorce and remarriage (Click here for a presentation of this position). 

It is not possible to settle the divorce/remarriage debate in a blog.  Nor do I intend to try.  I do however, want to point out the difficulty of holding to the two-clause position while relying on the traditional wedding vows.  C.H. Spurgeon once argued that when it came to praying for lost people, everyone prays like a Calvinist (i.e., Lord, please open their eyes, soften their hearts, etc.).  I would argue that when it comes to weddings, everyone recites non-divorce vows!  Imagine a wedding where the bride and groom pledge their devotion to one another with such conditions.  “For better or for worse; for richer or poorer; in sickness and in health; unless I find out that you’ve committed adultery, or you abandon me and I cease to believe that you were ever truly converted.”  What a damper that would put on the proceedings.

‘Til Death Do Us Part

The traditional vows acknowledge marriage as an indissoluble covenant that ends only with the death of one of the parties.  These vows ought to bring conviction on anyone in the audience contemplating walking out on a marriage.  In fact, I had a conversation at the wedding I recently attended that highlighted just this point.  The woman in question was going through a difficult time in her marriage, and she admitted that the exchange of vows reminded her of her covenant commitment to her husband.  She committed herself to remaining in her marriage! 

Forsaking All Others

Not only do the traditional vows address the issue of divorce, they also address the question of remarriage.  The bride and groom commit to “forsaking all others” till parted from their spouse by death.  That would preclude any possible remarriage while one’s spouse is still alive.  The couple whose wedding we witnessed this weekend entered a covenant with one another that left no room for remarriage under any circumstances other than death.  Moreover, everyone in the room (including me and my bride) who said such vows at their wedding also closed the door on the possibility of repeating those vows to another while their spouse lives.

What God Has Joined Together...

Perhaps the most decisive phrase in the entire wedding comes at the end when the presiding minister turns to the audience and quotes Matthew 19:6 (always in the King James) “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”  In other words, marriage is a covenant between God and this couple, and no man (neither them, nor a civil magistrate) can nullify that covenant.  Thus, even if they walk out of a courtroom a year later with a writ acknowledging the dissolution of their civil contract, their covenant before God remains intact.  No judge can undo that.

By the way, this is not only true for people who believe (as I do) that the Bible leaves no room for divorce and remarriage.  This is also true for those who hold to the two-clause position.  For example, if we believe that divorce is only ‘biblical’ if it meets one of the two biblical requirements (adultery or abandonment of a believer by an unbelieving spouse), then divorce on any other grounds (abandonment by a believer, irreconcilable differences, emotional distress, etc.) would be unbiblical.  Hence, the person who divorces for “irreconcilable differences,” and then marries another has committed adultery since Jesus specifically said, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9 ESV) 

Therefore, whatever our position on divorce and remarriage (except of course, those who view the Scripture as irrelevant to the discussion), traditional wedding vows should remind us that any decision by a civil magistrate is irrelevant.  The only real question is, “What has God said?”   And what have we said to one another?  Do I really believe that God will hold me accountable for the vow I made to Bridget nearly twenty years ago?  Or do I, like many people in our culture today, believe that our wedding was just a ceremony filled with empty cultural traditions to which no one should be held?  If we believe the latter, we should change the wedding vows to reflect our belief.  Until then, the traditional vows scream to us that marriage is permanent.

VB