Last weekend I attended the wedding of a long-time family friend.  I have to admit; I love weddings.  In fact, I love marriage.  Unfortunately, there is often far too much emphasis on weddings and not nearly enough on the marriage.  So many people, for instance, start their marriage off in a mountain of debt due in large part to a wedding they wanted, but couldn’t afford.  Lately, I have been thinking a great deal about weddings.  My daughter, Jasmine is eighteen and desires to be a wife and mother more than anything in this world.  Additionally, I just finished writing my latest book, What He Must Be... If He Wants to Marry My Daughter (Crossway, February, 2009). 

Marriage has fallen on hard times.  Besides the divorce rate, there is also a plummeting marriage rate.  More and more young people are opting to ‘shack up’ as opposed to getting married.  There is also a general malaise in the culture at large (and in the church) as it relates to marriage.  Young people just don’t think of marriage as a worthwhile endeavor.  Nevertheless, people are still getting married; and when they do, they tend to include many ‘traditional’ elements.  I think this is a good thing since many of those elements have the potential of communicating important truths if we will but open our eyes and see what’s there. While there are many things I wish people could see at weddings, there are a few that are very important, and extremely informative.  In light of that fact, I long for people who attend weddings to, at the very least, see the truth behind the symbols, to be convicted by the vows, to see and hear the gospel, and to take their role as witnesses seriously.

The Truth Behind the Symbols

There are myriad symbols at a wedding.  In fact, with the advent of the professional wedding planner, the religious syncretism that pervades our culture, and the influence of TV/Movie weddings, there are perhaps more symbols in weddings now than there have ever been.

The White Dress

The traditional white dress is not so traditional anymore.  The assault on the white dress has come from two directions.  First, there are those who wear white regardless of their sexual purity status.  Second, there are those who choose not to wear white simply because they want to break with tradition.  I am not a stickler for the white dress.  However, I do believe the symbolism is important.  The white dress symbolizes purity in the bride.  God is very serious about purity.  In fact, in Deuteronomy 22  we see that the case law addressed purity/virginity specifically.  If a bride was found to be impure (not a virgin), she could be stoned to death (Deuteronomy 22:21).

The white dress is also symbolic of the purity of the Bride of Christ that will one day be adorned for him, “bright and pure.” 

“Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.” (Revelation 19:7-8, cf. 21:2-9; 22:17)

Thus, the dress is much more than a fashion statement.  It is a statement about the importance of purity in both earthly brides, and the bride being prepared for Jesus.  So the next time you’re at a wedding and the bride comes in all dressed in white, remember that she is 1) professing her own virginity/purity, and 2) proclaiming the reality of Christ’s bride being made pure for him.

Giving Away the Bride

When the presiding minister asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?” he is asking a question that has significant implications.  First, he implies a woman’s need of permission to marry.  In this age of emancipation, I find it quite ironic that we still ask this question.  We have abandoned everything but the shell of this symbol.  Few people believe a woman actually needs her father’s permission to marry.  However, from a biblical perspective, this is very clear.  For instance, Numbers 30 addresses the issue of a woman’s vows:

“If a woman vows a vow to the LORD and binds herself by a pledge, while within her father’s house in her youth, and her father hears of her vow and of her pledge by which she has bound herself and says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every pledge by which she has bound herself shall stand. But if her father opposes her on the day that he hears of it, no vow of hers, no pledge by which she has bound herself shall stand. And the LORD will forgive her, because her father opposed her.” (Numbers 30:3-5 ESV)

This is a clear picture of the father’s responsibility to protect his daughter from irrational, hasty, or otherwise inappropriate vows.  Certainly, this passage ought to be in view when considering marriage.  Thus, it is easy to see (at least in part) where this symbol arose.

Second the question implies the father’s duty protect his daughter from less-than-suitable mates.  Upon answering the question, the father (traditionally) places his daughter’s hand in the hand of the groom.  This symbolizes the father’s approval.  By the way, this is the proper way to understand the term, ‘win her hand.’  A man doesn’t win a woman’s hand from the woman, but from her father.  Hence, the father’s oversight of the courtship process is assumed.  How else would he know the young man well enough to make such a decision?  Unfortunately, the decimation of the family, and particularly the absence of fathers, has made the father’s participation in this symbol a rarity.  Usually there is a brother, mother, or family friend who has to stand in for the father in this moment.

Finally, the question, “Who gives this woman to be married?” implies male headship in marriage.  Eve was ‘brought to’ Adam by God (Genesis 2:22).  The father, who has served as the woman’s ‘head’ until this point, brings her to the man as he becomes her new ‘head’ (Ephesians 5:24).  In this age of feminism and egalitarianism, this element is often overlooked.  Therefore, the next time you are at a wedding and the presiding minister asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?”  remember that you are witnessing 1) a father acknowledging (or neglecting) his responsibility to protect his daughter from harsh vows, 2) a father acknowledging (or neglecting) his responsibility to evaluate and approve any potential suitor, and 3) an acknowledging of male headship in marriage.

VB